To write of things ordinary

To write of things ordinary

The everyday events and thoughts

To write of things fancy

As if they’re from above

Painting every scene

With care and Sandy love

Emotions take my words

Emotions light it all

Starting and carrying them

From winter to the fall

To write of things ordinary

I crave this very act

For today my heart is heavy

My mind I cannot distract

All my thoughts and words

Flowing uncontrollably

My heart and head as one

Urging my soul

The artist of this life

Making marks in random flight

Orchestrating every stroke

Unable to stop

This incessant flow

Therefore

Ordinary it is

This that I write

For every day

My soul’s love

Is written

Purely for me

And all to see

London Art

Being in London has lead me to so many new experiences and feelings.  I'm here in this new place studying the landscapes, the architecture and the art while creating my own art at the same time.  Also, I'm away from everything I've known in the U.S.  It's not a bad thing at all.  It just leads to a certain body of work because my state of mind is in a very particular place.  Mentally, I'm extremely happy to be here doing what I love and my heart is here too BUT then at the same time, my mind drifts to my love, Brian, back home and my heart misses him so much.  So since it has been a while for a blog post, here's a little London Sandy art along with the corresponding poem:

Just to touch your hand

To feel your fingers against mine

To feel your shoulder brush against mine

Would be so sweet

Would be so divine

My being aches for yours

My skin trembles yearning for your touch

I imagine how our lips will meet

How I’ll run my hands gently over your chest

Down your stomach to your feet

Cherishing with my entire being

This which houses your soul

So precious you are

You with my soul, I caress

I love 

Just to touch your hand - watercolor on paper

Thinking > Writing > Sketching

The other day I was thinking about the following things: care, affection, nonviolence, observe breath and a quote - "Breathing out, I calm my fear." 
So then I wrote...

Don't cover it up, observe it in a safe place where you are not frantic inside.  You are simply observing it.  Perfection - I dismount.  We and you are perfect as you are.  No changes, nothing is needed, just be and let be.  No need to fret.  Let love around you and within you completely surround you.  Placing a spotlight on everything without discrimination.  It's scary, I know...because we are taught to hide those things that are not "perfect" but that's silly.  We are who we are.  Loving beings just wanting to love and be loved.  Some times and for some of us it is hard but it is not impossible.  Shut your eyes, breath in and feel every air particle lift you higher.  Let it out and feel your body slowly relax into its presence. 

And then I sketched a smaller sketch which led to the following final sketch.  It's so interesting how such an idea to led to such a drawing.  I love it.  I love the process.  I love the abstraction. 

"Breathing out, I calm my fear." - color pencil on paper 

I didn't know at the time...

Everyone was telling a funny story so I decided to tell a funny story too...about how I almost got a white slip for chewing gum on the school bus earlier that day.  It was my dad, my mom, my brother and I all sitting around the dinner table, eating dinner and chatting.  As I told my story I saw my dad's face get angrier and angrier.  Gradually I talked quieter and quieter, anticipating the "wrath" I knew too well.  After I finished telling the story, I was heavily scolded for almost getting in trouble and what was even worse, in my dad's opinion at least, was that he almost received a call from the bus driver.  It embarrassed him to have "misfit" children no matter what the offense.  So I stopped telling the story; I stopped telling all stories.  This experience was just another experience to scare me into not telling anyone anything in fear of getting in trouble. 

I didn't know it at the time but that experience caused me great pain inside.  So many things go through my mind as I think about it.  Why? with a lot of saddness is the best way I feel I can describe it.  My dad is still the same man and I'm still the same girl.  Afraid to open my mouth in fear of finding disapproval.  Parents have a very important job, to raise another human being, so I try not to blame my dad.  He did the best he could.  I hope.  But I can't and don't want to be the victim forever so I look deep within myself and I find the Sandy who sat at that table with her "family" and I comfort her.  I run my fingers through her hair, I rub her back, I hug her tightly for hours and I tell her it's going to be ok.  Great relief and peace surges through my entire being when I do this.  Moving forward, I created this to help me to visualize the experience: 

Sitting at the table with "my family" - color pencil on paper

This Days Miracle

Outside the warmth

Sticky and moist

Undeniable air on my skin

Defense to the sky

My being recoils from the sun

Dearest eagle

You fly so high

Strong and mystical

The little creatures seem jealous

Your beauty too much

To comprehend we try

From the land we see water

From the water we see land

Perspectives equal in theory

Not at all in reality

To live on land

To explore the water

Love to choose the latter

Where do the miracles stop?

At man’s hand?

Not at all

With all we do

With all we are

With all we have

This existence so spiritual

If only man knew

June 6, 2011 5:30 am

Learning to Love

For a little while now, I've been on a journey learning how to love both myself more fully and learning how to love others in a way that is healthy for them and me.  Love is a tricky word.  Translated so differently in each language and having an "original" meaning for each person.  L-O-V-E. Why not any other word?  Why is the word "love" such an intense and sensitive word?  Have we made it that way?  So, since we can change what a word means on an individual basis, what does the word "love" mean to me? 
Love to me means acceptance and encouragement, warmth, attention, understanding, and all other things that make a person feel amazingly loved inside.  Of course, along with all those beautiful things comes frustration and tension but if one approaches both themselves and others with acceptance and understanding, I feel as if "true" love will manifest itself. 
Let us say you have a really bad day and you have a headache.  By accepting the situation for what it is and allowing yourself to feel these things while encouraging a state of not being upset, I feel as if you are truly loving yourself by allowing you to be you.  To repress such feelings is not allowing yourself to be yourself. Thus, you are not loving yourself.  You are trying to be something you obviously aren't - at that moment at least. 
Okay, now let us say one of your closest friends is extremely stressed out with life and projects so they are a huge ball of tension and stress.  You've tried talking them through it and you've tried to "make" them feel better.  Nothing seems to help.  Instead of getting upset at them/yourself, take a deep breath and just listen.  Try your hardest to understand where they are coming from.  How can one accept another for who they are if they have no idea where they are? 
This new found idea of love has completely consumed by being not only because I am learning to love myself, but I am also learning to love all others around me more fully because I want to be a light in this world.  I want both myself to feel loved and I want others to feel loved.  My goal is to make my immediate world a better place by simply loving as much as I can.
Just recently, since last October (2010), I've met the most amazing man.  His name is Brian.  I love him with all my heart and I'm falling even more in love with him each day.  Getting to know him and understanding all that makes up who he is helps me to love him even more and to be there for him.  Without understanding, love cannot be accurately aimed.  This is my recent understanding of love for both others and myself.  Therefore, like always, I've written a poem to represent these feelings and I've made a painting to go along with it all:

Loving me – Loving you

Love

Just a word

Referenced easily

Known by few

How to truly love

Attainable?

I wonder

I try

I observe

One being

And another

Navigate one to the next

Feel their warmth

Know their soul

I wonder

I try

I observe

Find a heart

Feel a connection

Falling deeper into them

To touch their lips

To understand

Tender intimacy

I feel

I love

I cherish 

 

Releasing the Past to Heal the Present

"Do whatever you want. This project is self-directed" - music to an artist's ears.  When we hear that phrase, it's like giving us the toy we've always wanted. Our eyes light up, our mind starts racing and we cannot wait to make a decision and start our next piece of art. 
The last project for my drawing 3 class was self-directed. So I decided to do a drawing of a figure using color along with writing a poem.  This combination helps me to release my past/past experiences in a way that is very healthy and effective for me.  I love taking something that is deep within me and letting it out through art.
So I wrote a poem, chose a photo that best represented what was in my head and I started.  First I painted the words to the poem in the background.  The viewer can barely see the words but they can make out some words if they really get close.  On the body, I chose to do the mark making in a way that it made the body feel like it had life to it - something is reverberating out of the figure.   She is letting go of what's inside/what's bothering her.  Along with this, I had the face and shoulders melting down towards the bottom of the page to also show a part of her melting away. 

Here's a part of the poem that goes along with this piece:

"...

My soul will always remember

What you were

What you did

How you looked

How you smelled

How you tasted

But it’s time to move on

Move onto a new equation

Made of love

Made of joy

This sweet release

That is mine

I thank you

And I go

No more wonder

No more struggle

Goodbye love

Goodbye"

Releasing the Past to Heal the Present - Acrylic, Chalk pastel, Charcoal