London Art

Being in London has lead me to so many new experiences and feelings.  I'm here in this new place studying the landscapes, the architecture and the art while creating my own art at the same time.  Also, I'm away from everything I've known in the U.S.  It's not a bad thing at all.  It just leads to a certain body of work because my state of mind is in a very particular place.  Mentally, I'm extremely happy to be here doing what I love and my heart is here too BUT then at the same time, my mind drifts to my love, Brian, back home and my heart misses him so much.  So since it has been a while for a blog post, here's a little London Sandy art along with the corresponding poem:

Just to touch your hand

To feel your fingers against mine

To feel your shoulder brush against mine

Would be so sweet

Would be so divine

My being aches for yours

My skin trembles yearning for your touch

I imagine how our lips will meet

How I’ll run my hands gently over your chest

Down your stomach to your feet

Cherishing with my entire being

This which houses your soul

So precious you are

You with my soul, I caress

I love 

Just to touch your hand - watercolor on paper

Thinking > Writing > Sketching

The other day I was thinking about the following things: care, affection, nonviolence, observe breath and a quote - "Breathing out, I calm my fear." 
So then I wrote...

Don't cover it up, observe it in a safe place where you are not frantic inside.  You are simply observing it.  Perfection - I dismount.  We and you are perfect as you are.  No changes, nothing is needed, just be and let be.  No need to fret.  Let love around you and within you completely surround you.  Placing a spotlight on everything without discrimination.  It's scary, I know...because we are taught to hide those things that are not "perfect" but that's silly.  We are who we are.  Loving beings just wanting to love and be loved.  Some times and for some of us it is hard but it is not impossible.  Shut your eyes, breath in and feel every air particle lift you higher.  Let it out and feel your body slowly relax into its presence. 

And then I sketched a smaller sketch which led to the following final sketch.  It's so interesting how such an idea to led to such a drawing.  I love it.  I love the process.  I love the abstraction. 

"Breathing out, I calm my fear." - color pencil on paper 

I didn't know at the time...

Everyone was telling a funny story so I decided to tell a funny story too...about how I almost got a white slip for chewing gum on the school bus earlier that day.  It was my dad, my mom, my brother and I all sitting around the dinner table, eating dinner and chatting.  As I told my story I saw my dad's face get angrier and angrier.  Gradually I talked quieter and quieter, anticipating the "wrath" I knew too well.  After I finished telling the story, I was heavily scolded for almost getting in trouble and what was even worse, in my dad's opinion at least, was that he almost received a call from the bus driver.  It embarrassed him to have "misfit" children no matter what the offense.  So I stopped telling the story; I stopped telling all stories.  This experience was just another experience to scare me into not telling anyone anything in fear of getting in trouble. 

I didn't know it at the time but that experience caused me great pain inside.  So many things go through my mind as I think about it.  Why? with a lot of saddness is the best way I feel I can describe it.  My dad is still the same man and I'm still the same girl.  Afraid to open my mouth in fear of finding disapproval.  Parents have a very important job, to raise another human being, so I try not to blame my dad.  He did the best he could.  I hope.  But I can't and don't want to be the victim forever so I look deep within myself and I find the Sandy who sat at that table with her "family" and I comfort her.  I run my fingers through her hair, I rub her back, I hug her tightly for hours and I tell her it's going to be ok.  Great relief and peace surges through my entire being when I do this.  Moving forward, I created this to help me to visualize the experience: 

Sitting at the table with "my family" - color pencil on paper