Saturday, August 6, 2011

To write of things ordinary

To write of things ordinary
The everyday events and thoughts
To write of things fancy
As if they’re from above
Painting every scene
With care and Sandy love

Emotions take my words
Emotions light it all
Starting and carrying them
From winter to the fall

To write of things ordinary
I crave this very act
For today my heart is heavy
My mind I cannot distract

All my thoughts and words
Flowing uncontrollably
My heart and head as one
Urging my soul
The artist of this life
Making marks in random flight
Orchestrating every stroke
Unable to stop
This incessant flow

Ordinary it is
This that I write
For every day
My soul’s love
Is written
Purely for me
And all to see

Sunday, July 31, 2011

London Art

Being in London has lead me to so many new experiences and feelings.  I'm here in this new place studying the landscapes, the architecture and the art while creating my own art at the same time.  Also, I'm away from everything I've known in the U.S.  It's not a bad thing at all.  It just leads to a certain body of work because my state of mind is in a very particular place.  Mentally, I'm extremely happy to be here doing what I love and my heart is here too BUT then at the same time, my mind drifts to my love, Brian, back home and my heart misses him so much.  So since it has been a while for a blog post, here's a little London Sandy art along with the corresponding poem:

Just to touch your hand
To feel your fingers against mine
To feel your shoulder brush against mine
Would be so sweet
Would be so divine

My being aches for yours
My skin trembles yearning for your touch
I imagine how our lips will meet
How I’ll run my hands gently over your chest
Down your stomach to your feet

Cherishing with my entire being
This which houses your soul
So precious you are
You with my soul, I caress
I love 

Just to touch your hand - watercolor on paper

Thursday, July 7, 2011

Thinking > Writing > Sketching

The other day I was thinking about the following things: care, affection, nonviolence, observe breath and a quote - "Breathing out, I calm my fear." 
So then I wrote...

Don't cover it up, observe it in a safe place where you are not frantic inside.  You are simply observing it.  Perfection - I dismount.  We and you are perfect as you are.  No changes, nothing is needed, just be and let be.  No need to fret.  Let love around you and within you completely surround you.  Placing a spotlight on everything without discrimination.  It's scary, I know...because we are taught to hide those things that are not "perfect" but that's silly.  We are who we are.  Loving beings just wanting to love and be loved.  Some times and for some of us it is hard but it is not impossible.  Shut your eyes, breath in and feel every air particle lift you higher.  Let it out and feel your body slowly relax into its presence. 

And then I sketched a smaller sketch which led to the following final sketch.  It's so interesting how such an idea to led to such a drawing.  I love it.  I love the process.  I love the abstraction. 

"Breathing out, I calm my fear." - color pencil on paper 

I didn't know at the time...

Everyone was telling a funny story so I decided to tell a funny story too...about how I almost got a white slip for chewing gum on the school bus earlier that day.  It was my dad, my mom, my brother and I all sitting around the dinner table, eating dinner and chatting.  As I told my story I saw my dad's face get angrier and angrier.  Gradually I talked quieter and quieter, anticipating the "wrath" I knew too well.  After I finished telling the story, I was heavily scolded for almost getting in trouble and what was even worse, in my dad's opinion at least, was that he almost received a call from the bus driver.  It embarrassed him to have "misfit" children no matter what the offense.  So I stopped telling the story; I stopped telling all stories.  This experience was just another experience to scare me into not telling anyone anything in fear of getting in trouble. 

I didn't know it at the time but that experience caused me great pain inside.  So many things go through my mind as I think about it.  Why? with a lot of saddness is the best way I feel I can describe it.  My dad is still the same man and I'm still the same girl.  Afraid to open my mouth in fear of finding disapproval.  Parents have a very important job, to raise another human being, so I try not to blame my dad.  He did the best he could.  I hope.  But I can't and don't want to be the victim forever so I look deep within myself and I find the Sandy who sat at that table with her "family" and I comfort her.  I run my fingers through her hair, I rub her back, I hug her tightly for hours and I tell her it's going to be ok.  Great relief and peace surges through my entire being when I do this.  Moving forward, I created this to help me to visualize the experience: 

Sitting at the table with "my family" - color pencil on paper

Monday, June 6, 2011

This Days Miracle

Outside the warmth
Sticky and moist
Undeniable air on my skin
Defense to the sky
My being recoils from the sun

Dearest eagle
You fly so high
Strong and mystical
The little creatures seem jealous
Your beauty too much
To comprehend we try

From the land we see water
From the water we see land
Perspectives equal in theory
Not at all in reality
To live on land
To explore the water
Love to choose the latter

Where do the miracles stop?
At man’s hand?
Not at all
With all we do
With all we are
With all we have
This existence so spiritual
If only man knew

June 6, 2011 5:30 am

Tuesday, May 24, 2011

Learning to Love

For a little while now, I've been on a journey learning how to love both myself more fully and learning how to love others in a way that is healthy for them and me.  Love is a tricky word.  Translated so differently in each language and having an "original" meaning for each person.  L-O-V-E. Why not any other word?  Why is the word "love" such an intense and sensitive word?  Have we made it that way?  So, since we can change what a word means on an individual basis, what does the word "love" mean to me? 
Love to me means acceptance and encouragement, warmth, attention, understanding, and all other things that make a person feel amazingly loved inside.  Of course, along with all those beautiful things comes frustration and tension but if one approaches both themselves and others with acceptance and understanding, I feel as if "true" love will manifest itself. 
Let us say you have a really bad day and you have a headache.  By accepting the situation for what it is and allowing yourself to feel these things while encouraging a state of not being upset, I feel as if you are truly loving yourself by allowing you to be you.  To repress such feelings is not allowing yourself to be yourself. Thus, you are not loving yourself.  You are trying to be something you obviously aren't - at that moment at least. 
Okay, now let us say one of your closest friends is extremely stressed out with life and projects so they are a huge ball of tension and stress.  You've tried talking them through it and you've tried to "make" them feel better.  Nothing seems to help.  Instead of getting upset at them/yourself, take a deep breath and just listen.  Try your hardest to understand where they are coming from.  How can one accept another for who they are if they have no idea where they are? 
This new found idea of love has completely consumed by being not only because I am learning to love myself, but I am also learning to love all others around me more fully because I want to be a light in this world.  I want both myself to feel loved and I want others to feel loved.  My goal is to make my immediate world a better place by simply loving as much as I can.
Just recently, since last October (2010), I've met the most amazing man.  His name is Brian.  I love him with all my heart and I'm falling even more in love with him each day.  Getting to know him and understanding all that makes up who he is helps me to love him even more and to be there for him.  Without understanding, love cannot be accurately aimed.  This is my recent understanding of love for both others and myself.  Therefore, like always, I've written a poem to represent these feelings and I've made a painting to go along with it all:

Loving me – Loving you

Just a word
Referenced easily
Known by few
How to truly love
I wonder
I try
I observe

One being
And another
Navigate one to the next
Feel their warmth
Know their soul
I wonder
I try
I observe

Find a heart
Feel a connection
Falling deeper into them
To touch their lips
To understand
Tender intimacy
I feel
I love
I cherish 


Tuesday, May 10, 2011

Releasing the Past to Heal the Present

"Do whatever you want. This project is self-directed" - music to an artist's ears.  When we hear that phrase, it's like giving us the toy we've always wanted. Our eyes light up, our mind starts racing and we cannot wait to make a decision and start our next piece of art. 
The last project for my drawing 3 class was self-directed. So I decided to do a drawing of a figure using color along with writing a poem.  This combination helps me to release my past/past experiences in a way that is very healthy and effective for me.  I love taking something that is deep within me and letting it out through art.
So I wrote a poem, chose a photo that best represented what was in my head and I started.  First I painted the words to the poem in the background.  The viewer can barely see the words but they can make out some words if they really get close.  On the body, I chose to do the mark making in a way that it made the body feel like it had life to it - something is reverberating out of the figure.   She is letting go of what's inside/what's bothering her.  Along with this, I had the face and shoulders melting down towards the bottom of the page to also show a part of her melting away. 

Here's a part of the poem that goes along with this piece:


My soul will always remember

What you were
What you did
How you looked
How you smelled
How you tasted

But it’s time to move on
Move onto a new equation
Made of love
Made of joy
This sweet release
That is mine
I thank you
And I go
No more wonder
No more struggle
Goodbye love

Releasing the Past to Heal the Present - Acrylic, Chalk pastel, Charcoal