Saturday, August 6, 2011

To write of things ordinary


To write of things ordinary
The everyday events and thoughts
To write of things fancy
As if they’re from above
Painting every scene
With care and Sandy love

Emotions take my words
Emotions light it all
Starting and carrying them
From winter to the fall

To write of things ordinary
I crave this very act
For today my heart is heavy
My mind I cannot distract

All my thoughts and words
Flowing uncontrollably
My heart and head as one
Urging my soul
The artist of this life
Making marks in random flight
Orchestrating every stroke
Unable to stop
This incessant flow

Therefore
Ordinary it is
This that I write
For every day
My soul’s love
Is written
Purely for me
And all to see


Sunday, July 31, 2011

London Art

Being in London has lead me to so many new experiences and feelings.  I'm here in this new place studying the landscapes, the architecture and the art while creating my own art at the same time.  Also, I'm away from everything I've known in the U.S.  It's not a bad thing at all.  It just leads to a certain body of work because my state of mind is in a very particular place.  Mentally, I'm extremely happy to be here doing what I love and my heart is here too BUT then at the same time, my mind drifts to my love, Brian, back home and my heart misses him so much.  So since it has been a while for a blog post, here's a little London Sandy art along with the corresponding poem:


Just to touch your hand
To feel your fingers against mine
To feel your shoulder brush against mine
Would be so sweet
Would be so divine

My being aches for yours
My skin trembles yearning for your touch
I imagine how our lips will meet
How I’ll run my hands gently over your chest
Down your stomach to your feet

Cherishing with my entire being
This which houses your soul
So precious you are
You with my soul, I caress
I love 

Just to touch your hand - watercolor on paper

Thursday, July 7, 2011

Thinking > Writing > Sketching

The other day I was thinking about the following things: care, affection, nonviolence, observe breath and a quote - "Breathing out, I calm my fear." 
So then I wrote...

Don't cover it up, observe it in a safe place where you are not frantic inside.  You are simply observing it.  Perfection - I dismount.  We and you are perfect as you are.  No changes, nothing is needed, just be and let be.  No need to fret.  Let love around you and within you completely surround you.  Placing a spotlight on everything without discrimination.  It's scary, I know...because we are taught to hide those things that are not "perfect" but that's silly.  We are who we are.  Loving beings just wanting to love and be loved.  Some times and for some of us it is hard but it is not impossible.  Shut your eyes, breath in and feel every air particle lift you higher.  Let it out and feel your body slowly relax into its presence. 

And then I sketched a smaller sketch which led to the following final sketch.  It's so interesting how such an idea to led to such a drawing.  I love it.  I love the process.  I love the abstraction. 

"Breathing out, I calm my fear." - color pencil on paper 



I didn't know at the time...

Everyone was telling a funny story so I decided to tell a funny story too...about how I almost got a white slip for chewing gum on the school bus earlier that day.  It was my dad, my mom, my brother and I all sitting around the dinner table, eating dinner and chatting.  As I told my story I saw my dad's face get angrier and angrier.  Gradually I talked quieter and quieter, anticipating the "wrath" I knew too well.  After I finished telling the story, I was heavily scolded for almost getting in trouble and what was even worse, in my dad's opinion at least, was that he almost received a call from the bus driver.  It embarrassed him to have "misfit" children no matter what the offense.  So I stopped telling the story; I stopped telling all stories.  This experience was just another experience to scare me into not telling anyone anything in fear of getting in trouble. 

I didn't know it at the time but that experience caused me great pain inside.  So many things go through my mind as I think about it.  Why? with a lot of saddness is the best way I feel I can describe it.  My dad is still the same man and I'm still the same girl.  Afraid to open my mouth in fear of finding disapproval.  Parents have a very important job, to raise another human being, so I try not to blame my dad.  He did the best he could.  I hope.  But I can't and don't want to be the victim forever so I look deep within myself and I find the Sandy who sat at that table with her "family" and I comfort her.  I run my fingers through her hair, I rub her back, I hug her tightly for hours and I tell her it's going to be ok.  Great relief and peace surges through my entire being when I do this.  Moving forward, I created this to help me to visualize the experience: 

Sitting at the table with "my family" - color pencil on paper

Monday, June 6, 2011

This Days Miracle


Outside the warmth
Sticky and moist
Undeniable air on my skin
Defense to the sky
My being recoils from the sun

Dearest eagle
You fly so high
Strong and mystical
The little creatures seem jealous
Your beauty too much
To comprehend we try

From the land we see water
From the water we see land
Perspectives equal in theory
Not at all in reality
To live on land
To explore the water
Love to choose the latter

Where do the miracles stop?
At man’s hand?
Not at all
With all we do
With all we are
With all we have
This existence so spiritual
If only man knew

June 6, 2011 5:30 am



Tuesday, May 24, 2011

Learning to Love

For a little while now, I've been on a journey learning how to love both myself more fully and learning how to love others in a way that is healthy for them and me.  Love is a tricky word.  Translated so differently in each language and having an "original" meaning for each person.  L-O-V-E. Why not any other word?  Why is the word "love" such an intense and sensitive word?  Have we made it that way?  So, since we can change what a word means on an individual basis, what does the word "love" mean to me? 
Love to me means acceptance and encouragement, warmth, attention, understanding, and all other things that make a person feel amazingly loved inside.  Of course, along with all those beautiful things comes frustration and tension but if one approaches both themselves and others with acceptance and understanding, I feel as if "true" love will manifest itself. 
Let us say you have a really bad day and you have a headache.  By accepting the situation for what it is and allowing yourself to feel these things while encouraging a state of not being upset, I feel as if you are truly loving yourself by allowing you to be you.  To repress such feelings is not allowing yourself to be yourself. Thus, you are not loving yourself.  You are trying to be something you obviously aren't - at that moment at least. 
Okay, now let us say one of your closest friends is extremely stressed out with life and projects so they are a huge ball of tension and stress.  You've tried talking them through it and you've tried to "make" them feel better.  Nothing seems to help.  Instead of getting upset at them/yourself, take a deep breath and just listen.  Try your hardest to understand where they are coming from.  How can one accept another for who they are if they have no idea where they are? 
This new found idea of love has completely consumed by being not only because I am learning to love myself, but I am also learning to love all others around me more fully because I want to be a light in this world.  I want both myself to feel loved and I want others to feel loved.  My goal is to make my immediate world a better place by simply loving as much as I can.
Just recently, since last October (2010), I've met the most amazing man.  His name is Brian.  I love him with all my heart and I'm falling even more in love with him each day.  Getting to know him and understanding all that makes up who he is helps me to love him even more and to be there for him.  Without understanding, love cannot be accurately aimed.  This is my recent understanding of love for both others and myself.  Therefore, like always, I've written a poem to represent these feelings and I've made a painting to go along with it all:


Loving me – Loving you

Love
Just a word
Referenced easily
Known by few
How to truly love
Attainable?
I wonder
I try
I observe

One being
And another
Navigate one to the next
Feel their warmth
Know their soul
I wonder
I try
I observe

Find a heart
Feel a connection
Falling deeper into them
To touch their lips
To understand
Tender intimacy
I feel
I love
I cherish 


 

Tuesday, May 10, 2011

Releasing the Past to Heal the Present

"Do whatever you want. This project is self-directed" - music to an artist's ears.  When we hear that phrase, it's like giving us the toy we've always wanted. Our eyes light up, our mind starts racing and we cannot wait to make a decision and start our next piece of art. 
The last project for my drawing 3 class was self-directed. So I decided to do a drawing of a figure using color along with writing a poem.  This combination helps me to release my past/past experiences in a way that is very healthy and effective for me.  I love taking something that is deep within me and letting it out through art.
So I wrote a poem, chose a photo that best represented what was in my head and I started.  First I painted the words to the poem in the background.  The viewer can barely see the words but they can make out some words if they really get close.  On the body, I chose to do the mark making in a way that it made the body feel like it had life to it - something is reverberating out of the figure.   She is letting go of what's inside/what's bothering her.  Along with this, I had the face and shoulders melting down towards the bottom of the page to also show a part of her melting away. 

Here's a part of the poem that goes along with this piece:

"...

My soul will always remember

What you were
What you did
How you looked
How you smelled
How you tasted

But it’s time to move on
Move onto a new equation
Made of love
Made of joy
This sweet release
That is mine
I thank you
And I go
No more wonder
No more struggle
Goodbye love
Goodbye"

Releasing the Past to Heal the Present - Acrylic, Chalk pastel, Charcoal 

A Glimpse Inside my Head RE-DO!!!

For the first time in my life I decided to re-do a drawing/piece of art.  Usually when I'm done, I am really done.  Revisiting the drawing/subject matter was difficult because I not only had to shut out others comments but I also had to let them in in order to accomplish the drawing how I wanted to.  Some of the things others said helped and some of the things others said really "hurt" my process while doing this.  I learned so much from this drawing that I think I might do it again.  Not for a while but some day I would really like to do it again...and maybe again...

A Place to Exist   (diptych)
~ Acrylic, Chalk pastel, Charcoal


 

Tuesday, May 3, 2011

Du-it, Cramm-it, Too Close!

In order to never forget the people close to me that inspire me/make me happy, I decided to take 3 amazing individuals I work with and create a triptych "about" them.  Throughout this process I learned a lot about myself in relation to their personality traits and I learned more about each of them along with why I love them so much.  They're honest, beautiful, kind, fun, unique, intelligent, driven, bright and deep individuals.


Du-it - Oil on panel

Cramm-it - Oil on panel 

Too Close - Oil on panel 

Friday, April 22, 2011

Existence for me

This place I've created
This feeling of whole
To let it go
To give it away
Why
For who
For what
Go down that path?
No
No
Too painful
Painful not strong enough
Horrible
Gut wrenching
Death might as well
Greet me at the door
To my next "home"

Something I've accepted
This life ours to be
Do we live?
Do we journey?
Or do we struggle?

A down turn I expect
What else?
An upturn...
Will go down
It's how it works
It's just as is

I look at my hands
Scribbling what's inside
Trying to get it out
Tears swell my eyes
I hate this
I feel so much
It hurts
I don't know why
What it is
But I accept it
As who I am

I am this person
Lonely yet not
Passionate and calm
Pretty with ugly
I am as I am
Not sure how it works
Or why
Just what this moment is
Sometimes it is
Sometimes it's not
I am here
I am found. 


A glimpse inside my head - Acrylic, Chalk pastel

Wednesday, April 20, 2011

The unexpected inspiration - music + art

Things change and things happen that you never thought could.  You're walking along the sidewalk, the same sidewalk you walk every day to your favorite lunch spot, when all of a sudden your foot is submerged into ice cold muddy water.  You never saw it coming and then so soon it's there and gone with nothing to be done to change it.  This aspect of surprise can be upsetting, especially in this case, and it can be exciting.

My entire life as an artist so far, I've always found comfort in recreating an image infront of me.  Taking the imagined/"only viewed in my head" things and putting them onto paper was impossible.  I saw some artists do it and I was jealous but I just couldn't do it.  I didn't want to keep trying just to be disappointed so I gave up a long time ago.  And then I got to know me.  I tapped into my imagination.  I moved into my head.  I shut my eyes and I just observed.  I didn't try to change anything.  I existed and I experienced.  That's exactly how this project was for me.  I sat down, I closed my eyes and I asked myself, Sandy how do you feel?  What do you see?  And then I picked up my art stuff and I began to create.  I didn't know what to expect  and I honestly had doubt that I could do it.  Unlike stepping into a puddle, this was completely exciting and not at all upsetting. 

As of rightnow, I am extremely happy with how the project turned out.  I am not completely done but I will be soon.  Reflecting back on the project, I am most surprised by one thing: how well I was able to connect with this space I've created in my head.  I do believe that when a person's mind, body and soul are in unison, beautiful and divine things can happen.  I can honestly say that my mind, body and soul are not always in unison but I did expereince a solid 20-30 minutes of that during this project that completely took me away into my being. 

I love music so when I hear a song that connects with who I am, I am lost in it and I go into what I call "a trance".  I was walking home from class one night and the below song cam e on my ipod and I lost it.  I went into my head, I went into my drawing and I felt a connection of mind, body and soul.  So the next time I sat down to work on this project, I put on my ipod, I played this song and I disappeared.  It was beautiful. 

Strobe - Deadmau5

Tuesday, April 12, 2011

Places n'Spaces

Too many ideas - too many ideas swirling through my head. I can't sleep at night; I wake with images in my head of how to express my idea of Place.  Place can be physical and/or imagined. For me, it is mostly imaged because of how my life has played out so far.  I grew up very grounded in surroundings with a strong sense of home. I went away to college yet home was always at my parents. I transfered schools yet home was always at my parents.  Then I went to Dakar, Senegal (Africa) for a semester and all ideas of home were broken down.  I no longer knew where I belonged, or if I belonged somewhere, and I no longer had a strong idea of who I was.  My entire being was shaken by my stark change of physical place.  I cried, I shook, I searched and I longed for a sense of home.  I'm  not sure how long it was that I struggled with this but it seemed as if one day I woke up and said to myself, "ok Sandy, either you are going to fight this reality with great pain or you are going to have to consider it, let it in and see what it's all about."   So I let it in and I started to really live in a Senegalese manner.  This meant that I washed my clothes by hand, I ate everything they ate, I only spoke their language, I relaxed into my living quarters and I asked questions.  I wanted to intimately know why, what, who, when, where, how and all that all over again.  It was one of the best and hardest decisions of my life.  All I knew as truth was no longer truth - but in such a beautiful way.

And then I returned back to the United States.  Return culture shock was way more difficult than the initial cutlure shock I experienced when going to Senengal.  My parents home was no longer home, my apartment at school was no longer home and the home I had for the last 3.5 months was thousands of miles away.  I spiraled into a deep depression that lasted 4 years.  I tried bringing some of Senegal back with me - I washed my clothes by hand here in the United States but that just felt funny.  I tried making Senegalese dishes but my friends here disliked them.  I was lost.  Once again, I had to ask myself if I wanted to continue down this path of struggle or accept where I was...where was I? Who was I? What was I doing? What did I believe in?  I no longer knew anything...

Living in another culture for an extended period of time showed me who I really am.  I am not a girl who grew up in Amery, WI - I am not a girl who traveled to Africa - I am not a girl who likes art.  I am Sandy and I live wherever I am. The only way I can describe this is by saying that I live in my head.  The world around me whirls as I move through it and as I observe different things but all of this comes into my being and it exits.  I feel at home with who I am.  I don't ever see myself setting up camp in any location.  Yes I find safe places, what I call my personal sanctuaries, but I never find a "home".  My home is within me.  Whether that literally be in my head or whether that be a combination of my mind, body and spirit - I'm not sure. 

Since I am not sure - how do I translate this into a visual piece so that others might be able to feel how I feel.  So I go into my head, where I live, and I sincerely observe what my surroundings are there.  I see light, a divine light.  I see whirling movements all around coming out and coming back in.  I see some color but mostly I just see light.  This observation makes me smile, it makes me feel safe and it feels like "home".  Wherever I am, I have this and I love that.  I need that. 

After a few sketches and a lot of thought, I've been lead to this picture.  I'm not sure exactly what I'll do with it but I see potential. 

Add caption

Saturday, March 26, 2011

"Walker, Walker, Walker!"

If you could simply say "Walker, Walker, Walker!" in order to make Governor Walker go away, would you?  I'm sure a lot of people would love to do that. But it's not possible - unless you exist within the fantasy world of the movie Beetlejuice where that sort of thing is possible.  That's where the idea for my latest project came from.  I had a random thought about the movie Beetlejuice so I went with it, had a good laugh and then decided to shed a creepy, comical light onto the situation in Wisconsin with Governor Walker's Budget Bill. 

I had a lot of fun with this project.  The first half of the piece was amazing and the second half was a little more confusing.  The first half was composed of me swirling colors around for the background.  I completely listened to my instincts in order to create an interesting and trippy background for Beetlejuice's head to float along with.  The second half, where I added Beetlejuice's head, was harder because I had to aesthetically make everything come together.  After much thought, I've decided that due to lack of emotional connection to this piece, I had a hard time deciding was would be best.  Going from my last piece to this one was a bit difficult for me also.  My last piece, "Let Out," was so personal and satisfying that I imagine it hard to move onto any piece after that.  This piece was fun, creepy and pretty much only created to satisfy the subject requirements set forth by my teacher.  I really enjoyed it but there's a big difference between enjoying something and affectionately feeling intimately close with something.

p.s.  It looks way better in person.  There are a lot of colors and details my camera wasn't able to pick up on due to the lighting in the room and the size of the piece.  

"Walker, Walker, Walker!"  - Acrylic, Chalk Pastel, Charcoal on paper

Tuesday, March 8, 2011

Walker/Wisconsin Project

The next project for Drawing III has been started and the idea is...the current situation in Wisconsin with Governor Walker.  Interesting and dramatic for sure.  I know that a lot of people are really upset about this and I completely understand their anger/frustration.  The situation is not/will not be good for a lot of people because of Walker's bill.  I see people protesting, I hear them talking about it and I am deeply sad for them but for myself, I'm not overly upset.  I know the situation is bad and I know that in a year or two, we're all probably going to feel the effects of this bill in a really bad way. 

Overall, there are two things that keep going through my head when I think about this situation.  First, if this bill is passed and put into practice, what will the situation be like for our state, the families and the world in 5 to 10 years?  What are the repercussions of this bill?  Is it really worth it?  To me, it's highly likely that we do something now and not feel the real effects of it until it's too late.  Second, I am very weary of anything the government does.  I don't believe a word they say and I wouldn't trust them to use my toilet.  I'm really never surprised when I hear things like this about the government. 

So yeah, I wish this wasn't happening.  It seems as if there's a lot of injustice going on right now.  But because I don't feel too extremely connected with the situation, I wish to make light of the situation, because I can.  I haven't done a funny piece in a while.  The day that we received the assignment, I had Beetlejuice on the brain.  I'm not sure why.  In the movie, when Beetlejuice's name is repeated 3 times, he either gets bigger or he gets smaller.  My first thought was, "I bet a ton of people in Wisconsin would love to say 'Walker, Walker, Walker' and just make him disappear".  From there, I've thought and come up with some sketches.  To be continued...

Saturday, February 26, 2011

Mapping Project - Critiqued and Done

As an artist, having ones artwork critiqued can either be a very nonchalant event or it can be a very scary event.  For me, it has never been scary or nonchalant; I'd say I'm somewhere in the middle.  It's never too scary for me because I have confidence in what I do and why I do it.  I know that even if someone doesn't like my art work, that's okay.  Their opinion matters but it doesn't have to make or break me.  I expect constructive criticism so even if someone does take it a little far so that maybe they are a little mean, I don't hold it against them.  If others love my art work, of course it makes me feel good inside and more confident but even then, I don't take it too seriously.  I know every centimeter of my work so I know all the flaws and of course, I am reminded of them when I revisit my work.  Either way, positive or negative reaction from my viewers, I'm usually ok.  For this particular Mapping Project, the critique was about 95% positive and 5% negative.

The 95% positive comes from an overwhelming consensus from the class about what my drawing was trying to say.  They nailed it and then some.  While I was listening to them discuss my drawing I was still realizing more symbolism within my drawing that I didn't even try to do yet it supported the meaning.  That's one very beautiful thing about mixed media - anything's possible.

The 5% negative comes from a couple comments about the use of text in my drawing - whether it was really effective or necessary.  I agree and I disagree.  I think the drawing would have been just as beautiful without the text and maybe it would have even been better because not having text would allow the figure to be the only focus.  The figure was very beautifully done so I can see why one would not want the text there to compete.  Also, using text in a drawing, in general, isn't very widely supported among artists.  I can see why that is.  It's hard to make it work/do it right.  But then I disagree because of the reason why the text is in there.  The text is in there to enforce the meaning behind the drawing and to create an uncontrollable texture.  I wrote the poem; the poem maps my thoughts and it shows so much emotion.  The words enforce the feeling of the drawing and allow the viewer to have a more concrete idea of what's really going on.  Maybe it's not necessary, I'm not exactly sure.

Overall, I was/am very pleased with how the critique went.  In the future just as in the past, I probably won't use much text in my drawings but if I do, I'll have a better idea for how to do it. 

Let Out - Acrylic, Chalk Pastels, Charcoal (9' by 5')

Sunday, February 20, 2011

Looking back...


Looking back at this mapping project, I am amazed at how different it appears now compared to how I saw it when it was first introduced to our class.  We heard of this map project, we learned of other artists, we brainstormed ideas, we looked deep within ourselves and then we sketched.  This has become a reoccurring process for me as an artist.  So much research and thought goes into a project.  Sometimes it gets overwhelming and frustrating when all that’s desired is a “disappear”-session with art.  As human beings we have all these things that go on in our daily lives, both within us and without us:  family events, friends, work, bodily functions, memories, the future, school, etc.  That’s a lot to process.  Uniquely, as artists, we take all that stuff and we tend to “deal with it” through art of some sort.  We put in our head phones, set up a place to draw/create and we disappear for hours at a time until we feel better inside.  Life is filled with a series of coping mechanisms…some are more satisfying than others.  Because of this project, I’ve realized that art, for me, has the ability to sooth me in three different levels.

An immediate release: let’s say I’m really upset, something just happened and I need to feel better immediately.  I pick up a piece of paper, a big chunk of charcoal and I just start drawing.  There’s nothing in my head but frustration and emotions.  When I’m done, most of the time I don’t know what I drew but most likely I feel better – I’m ready to face the world again.

An average release:  this would be a well thought out project but with not much research behind it.  It usually has some sort of meaning attached to it from deep within me/from my life.  When I’m done I feel a sense of relief and when I look at it I can smile. 

Complete art therapy:  this is exactly what this project has meant for me.  We researched for weeks, we talked about it all, I went home and talked about it with my friend Heather, I came back to class and discussed it/researched more, I did sketches, sat down with my friend Heather to go over the sketches, made my artistic decisions, bought supplies and started when I felt healthiest to start.  I put all that I am into this project and I’m happy to say I’m not only satisfied with the outcome, but I’m also satisfied with how I feel inside about what I chose to map.  I let out what was within me.

So it seems as if the more effort I put into the pre-drawing process, the more rewards comes in the end.  This isn’t the first project I’ve felt this with.  Yes, it’s a little daunting but the outcome is so inspiring that I can only hope to continue on this path so that, maybe, this whole process will become more second nature.  

Woke up from a dream and this is what I JUST HAD to draw...An Immediate Release for sure. 

Saturday, February 12, 2011

Creative writing ---> Art

I've always thought that I couldn't write, that I was bad at English, that I had horrible sentence structure, that my vocabulary was small, that I had stupid thoughts, that I didn't know how to express myself verbally, etc.  This was what I was told and therefore how I felt.  When I was in a group situation, I would shy away from talking because I was afraid of saying something stupid.  More and more as I got older I isolated myself.  My anxiety increased and so did the onset of depression.  I went into a very dark place and in order to get out, I had to seek counseling.  In counseling I looked back at my life before all the negative messages started taking over my thoughts and being.  I saw that I used to be a very happy social person who loved to write poems, create things, draw, paint and most of all, be goofy in order to make others laugh.  How did I manage to let go of all these things I love?  The next question I had to ask was How do I get this back? 

So I started writing in a journal again. I started writing poems.  I started drawing and painting.  Last but not least, I started to talk and say what was on my mind no matter who was around.  I found that I was more clever and intelligent than I ever thought I could be.  People liked me and thought I was funny...it's sad but true that I was shocked.

Since I started writing poems, I have no idea how many poems I've written.  I write when I'm happy, sad, lonely, excited, mad, etc.  Some times they rhyme and some times they don't.  It's my way of expressing myself artistically in a more grammatical way.  Drawing satisfies the visual part of my soul and writing satisfies the verbal/literary part of my soul. 

For the first drawing III project - mapping, I am bringing my poems and my art together.  I've decided to map my thoughts, anxieties and worries in the form of a poem behind the figure of a woman who looks like she's struggling.  The wording behind the figure will cause the drawing to have a stumbling effect that I can't control or predict.  As you could probably imagine, this project has now become one of the most satisfying projects I've ever done and it has barely begun.  I can't wait to see how it turns out....

The poem I wrote is very violent, beautiful and random - my thoughts at the time written for the world to see; what was within - let out - so it doesn't hurt anymore.  Below I will type out the first stanza and the last stanza...the poem doesn't have a title so I'll just use the date it was written as the title.

2/1/2011

I love you,
I hate you,
I want you,
I need you,
I can't stand you,
So much happier without you......

Deep inside I'm angry,
This anger a swell,
Resentment subdued,
If I let it out,
Will I hate you...
Hate them...
Or will I find a way...
To love and let go -
Let go and love. 

Sunday, February 6, 2011


The following post will be based off a topic that was brought up during class discussion:  What do I scrutinize? 

The country that you are born and raised in shapes who you are as a person, what you think, your aspirations, how you see the rest of the world, etc.  Where you are is very influential towards who you are inside.  It’s just the way it is. 
I was born in a small town called Amery, WI.  Growing up, I always had aspirations of traveling abroad but every time I would mention it, people would either look at me like I was crazy or they would say, “wow, you’re brave! Do it while you’re young”.  The most common thing I would hear about other countries is that they needed our help: Habitat for Humanity, Peace Corps, donate money here, send clothes here, evangelize here, etc.  This caused me, and probably a lot of other people, to look down on other countries.  Especially developing countries. 
So then I eventually did travel abroad.  I went on a mission trip to Bogota Colombia in 2004 and then I studied abroad in Dakar, Senegal (NW Africa) for a semester in 2006.  The reality of actually being there and not just reading about the country, culture or people out of a book is almost indescribable.  I learned more than I could have ever imagined and then I came back to the United States… 
Now, instead of seeing the world through a set of United States lenses only, I also can see it through Bogota’s and a Senegalese lens.  This has lead to a lot of anger within me towards the Unities States, politics, country-to-country relations, colonialism, charities, etc. 
For example, shortly after arriving in Dakar, one of the first things I noticed was how much garbage was all over the streets and sidewalks.  The first thought I had was about how much poverty there must be and then I wondered, why don’t they clean up after themselves? Don’t they have trash clean up people?  Don’t they recycle?  As you can see, those are all things we have and do in the United States.  So why does this “problem” of trash all over the streets exist for the Senegalese?  First and foremost, before Colonialism, most African nations didn’t have much mass production of goods with special packaging…if any.  Living with my host family, I was able to see that they waste very little on an every day basis.  They reuse their dishwater, they wash their clothes by hand, and they spend a lot of time with their families.  So how did all these little wrappers get all over the streets?  All the little wrappers I saw on the streets were wrappers from goods that were shipped in from Europe, the United States or some other country.  They’re sent these goods and then what do they do with the wrappers but litter them wherever they seem fit…that confused me so I asked my host family why they don’t have a garbage disposal/collection company?  They said they do but they aren’t able to come by that often.  So then I noticed that they do have trashcans but they just don’t have as many as us.  Their living conditions are different.  Not worse. Not better. Just different.  A lot of African nations have issues… just like the U.S. has its own issues.  How is that we are then able to look at them and say your way of living needs to be improved so we’re going to send you a donation of clean water, power adapters, clothes, blankets, food, etc. so that then you will then have to figure out how to dispose of the water jugs when you’ve drank the water?  The clothes and blankets will probably have been made in the U.S. for U.S. weather conditions…the food not at all something they can or would even want to make.  Do those people who give these things even really know where they’re donating to and how it will be used?  This is not to say that their intentions should be ignored; I’m sure they really do care and they really do want to help.  All I’m saying is that before “we” go and try to help/change another nation/group of people, why don’t we research, try our hardest to understand and make sure we aren’t doing them a disservice?  Look at how horrible some nation-to-nation relations have gone in the past.  It’s too horrible and sad to be ignored yet it still is.  When I was in Dakar, our president at the time, George Bush Jr., bought the Senegalese president Abdoulaye Wade a fleet of brand new SUVs.  Gas guzzling SUVs made in the United States for an African president who lives and travels within Africa…a very hot/tropical country.  Cars in the United States can over heat in 90 degree weather when Africa was 100 plus degrees for 2 of the 3.5 months that I was there.  And on top of that, the street pollution in Dakar was horrible.  Why not buy Abdoulaye Wade a more “green friendly” vehicle? 
Because of my experiences abroad, I heavily scrutinize any and all nation-to-nation relations.  It seems much more logical to look within your own country to aid/understand rather than looking at another country, guessing at what they need and then aiding them in their “struggles”. 
From all of this, I created the following picture.  Behind all the black and sparkly stuff is a map of Africa.  This, to me, shows Africa as a dark, mysterious place.  The gold sparkles indicate that it’s also a magical place.  It really is.  Senegal is beautiful with such rich culture.  In order to see that, we must set aside our United States lenses and see other countries for what they are.  Not for what “we” think they are.  
Look Deeper - Mixed Medium

Wednesday, February 2, 2011

Finding my Voice

Ok, so, I draw. You might say I'm a "drawer".  Drawing has always been more of an intimate form of art for me.  I enjoy how when I'm drawing I am able to touch every inch of the paper or canvas I am working on.  I tend to get ridiculously close so that it looks like I probably have a sight problem.  As much as that might be true, I get so close so that I can see and work every inch of what I'm working to perfection - to my perfection.  A paint brush has always made me feel "far from" my work and that feeling has never really felt right to me.  The medium of paint is also very uncontrollable compared to chalk pastels.  This might be because I don't know the medium yet or it may be that it just doesn't mix well with my soul.  I'm not sure.  Either way, I'm sure that I will find out soon what the real deal is since I'm taking a Painting class which so far has completely thrown me off kilter.

The first assignment was simple:  mix 2 blues, 2 reds and 2 yellows carefully together to make a black that has no trace of any other color in it.  Hmmm...I've never done anything like this before.  When drawing, I layer colors to make other colors and I love that so maybe I'll be ok at this too.  The first try was ok, the second try was a little better and then I finished all 12 samples with what I thought to be moderate success.  I hadn't shown my teacher yet though so I didn't know how I was really doing - my eyes see things differently like I previously said.  Since I had mixed up all the blacks, I was ready to start on the actually painting part of the project - painting paper plates, cups and sheets of paper that have been nailed to the wall.  Boring - yes, but my hope was that I would see why it was useful to do such a painting once I started.  I put paint brush to paper and that was the point that I started freaking out.  "OMG, I'm horrible at this." "I just want to draw" "Why won't this paint do what I want it to do" etc.  It was a very miserable experience.  I went home that night determined to learn the medium of paint like I had learned the medium of Charcoal, pencil and Chalk Pastels.  Practice makes perfect right...

To start, I just played around and mixed colors and saw how the paint moved on the paper.  When some colors mixed they turned to brown, some greenish and some mixed to give me a color I didn't know was possible.  It was a fun experience overall even though I didn't like what I painted.  The next night I decided to actually paint something.  I was in a very sad mood because life wasn't going my way so I also needed to create art to get that feeling out of me.  A while back I took a picture of myself naked in the reflection of my window because I don't have a body-length mirror in my possession.  The picture resolution didn't turn out the best but I enjoyed certain aspects of it.  I also really enjoy working with the color purple because I don't understand the color...I also associate it with spirituality for some odd reason.  So I decided to paint myself naked in the reflection of my window using different shades of purple.

Of course, it was a struggle at first.  The paint wasn't doing what I wanted it to do so I took a deep breath, told myself to keep going and let the paint lead you...follow your instinct Sandy.  I listened to my voice and by the time I was done, I was extremely happy with what came about.  The marks I made and the overall feel of the painting was completely unanticipated.  Such a beautiful thing.  I guess I'll keep breathing and listening to my beautiful voice.

p.s.  In class on Monday, my professor looked at my samples and the painting and told me I was doing great...I guess I'm way too hard on myself.  

Shamelessly Purple - Oil Paint

Wednesday, January 26, 2011

Self Portrait - Ink, Acrylic and Chalk Pastels on Paper
Little Doll - Chalk Pastels on Paper
3D design class first assignment. It was a horrible and amazing experience at the same time.
Sandy the Squirrel - Cardboard and Glue
Perpetually Self Inflicted - Charcoal and Oil Paint on Canvas
Religion's a Fucking Joke - Chalk Pastels and Ink on Paper






Organic Butterfly...looks nothing like a butterfly but in my head it does.
I took a journey and this is what I came up with after that journey.
Journey - Acrylic, Charcoal and Chalk Pastels on Canvas
Aviators series at different times of day.
Evening - Chalk Pastels on Paper

Midday indoors - Chalk Pastels on Paper

Morning - Chalk Pastels on Paper
Chalk Pastels on Paper
Another still life from Drawing II. 2010. 
This drawing means so much to me.  It was at this time that I was finally starting to really listen to my voice as an artist.  The assignment was to take three pictures, draw 1, erase it, drawn a 2nd, erase it, draw the 3rd and then bring it all together some how...I was terrified but I knew I could do it. So I looked deep within and listened to my instincts.  I'm extremely proud of this piece and myself for taking the leap I really didn't think I could.
Space Study - Charcoal on Paper
These two were my first Drawing II still life assignments. 2010.
Still Life - Charcoal 

2nd Still Life - Charcoal
I love Love.  It's a beautiful thing.  When I do decide to represent it/explore it in my art, my goal is to make the viewer feel what I feel in that moment.  To cause the viewer to have memories triggered of their own life. To bring them into my world.  That's what I hoped to do with this piece.  This was a personal project in 2008.
Neck Kisses - Oil Pastels and Paint on Paper
This represents a very important time in my journey as a woman.  I started this with the intention to draw the woman only and then like most art, I decided it needed more which led to the additions on the left and right of her.  I love it.  When I look at it, it reminds brings me back to how I felt at that time. That's one of the beauties of art.
Taking Flight - Oil Pastels
One of my good friends is in the army and he's really proud of what he does.  He liked the military symbol of two guns criss-crossed but he didn't want to be so typical so he asked me to cross a M4 gun with a machete. He also asked me to include he dogtags some how.  So this is what I came up with.  Shortly after I finished it, he paid $1,600 to get this tattooed on his back.  The piece covered his entire back. 
Army Boy Tattoo - Pencil on Paper
This was created at Stout in 2003 in 2D Design class as the final project. At this time in my life I was exteremly curious about true love and how that is felt between two people who are truly in love. Red is culturally known as a color of passion so I combined that with other "hot/warm" colors to show how passionate love can be. The viewer can see that where the couple is touching, the red gets darker/deeper showing that the passion grows with each touch. The blues and greens swirling around them are to show how they are in their own passionate world with the rest of the world swimming around them yet they are completely unaware of anyone else but themselves.


I painted this in 2008 for my friend Christina.  She works for a daycare and she loves children. 

Baby - Oil Paint on Canvas